50 Ways to Say No
Plus, why to say NO and what to do when you hear NO.
First things first: the reason.
Any reason will do. Because you want to is all the reason you need.
There are many reasons we choose to say yes when we want to say no. Sometimes it’s to maintain a relationship, to uphold our self-image as a good friend/mother/brother/neighbor/teammate. Sometimes it’s for safety.
Saying yes when you really want to say no has its place when we have to weigh the fallout of saying no against the relative security (or other preferred outcome) of saying yes.
But, if you weigh whatever you need to weigh in your mind and find that you’ll be able to sleep and breathe easier if you say no, here are 50 different ways to do that. Some will be more fitting for certain situations than for others. But here’s the fun: you get to choose. It’s your no.
Saying no
No (my favorite. It’s classic. It’s simple. It’s clear.).
No, thank you.
Negatory, good buddy.
Nah, thanks though.
I’m good.
Not today (use only if you are open to fulfilling the request another day).
Never.
Not on your life.
When pigs fly outa my ass (a fave from my dad when I was a kid).
I don’t think so.
This isn’t what I want.
I have an alternative proposal (obviously, use only if you do).
GTFO.
I’ve considered it and don’t want it.
No answer (no response IS a response; it means no).
Thanks, but no thanks.
I have other priorities.
I’d rather do something else.
I’m not into it.
Find someone else.
Thanks for asking. No.
I’m not interested.
Hell no.
Fuck no.
Not in a million years.
You couldn’t pay me.
You’ve got me mixed up with someone else.
I don’t like it.
Next suggestion.
I don’t intend to.
I won’t.
I can’t.
I’d rather dig my eyeball out with a spoon.
I’m not a good candidate for that.
You do not have my permission.
I do not consent to this.
I don’t have time for this.
Absolutely not.
If the first “no” isn’t getting through:
I said no.
You heard me (if you’re pretty sure they did).
That’s not my problem.
You’ll figure it out.
What did I just say?
I need you to hear and respect my wishes.
I said “no,” not “try to convince me.”
I don’t owe you an explanation.
This isn’t up for negotiation.
I said what I meant, and I meant what I said.
I don’t care if you don’t understand why.
Walk out.
You notice what’s not anywhere on this list? The words, “I’m sorry.” That is because you are not doing anything wrong when you say no, so you do not need to apologize. Period.
Where to use these powers
Anywhere you like.
Use them to say no to
a potential date.
helping a friend move.
lending a friend money.
a task at work that you aren’t paid to do.
hugs, kisses, any contact whatsoever.
an offered “opportunity.”
decline a drink or food.
and more!
Hearing no
Believe it or not, saying no, as hard as it can be, is sometimes easier than hearing “no.”
But the more you practice saying no when you want to, the more you’ll catch your own automatic reactions to hearing someone else’s “no.”
Do you shame them? Do you demand an explanation? Do you argue with them? Do you roll your eyes and indicate with your tone and body language that they are being rude or offensive?
If you’ve grown up surrounded by these types of responses to the word or expression of “no,” then you likely have them built into your knee-jerk reactions. How can you respectfully respond when you hear “no”?
Recognize whatever feelings come up. Are you disappointed? Embarrassed? Frustrated? Confused? Maybe all of the above? Remind yourself that those feelings are yours, not theirs. They do not need to fix those feelings for you. Feel them and let them go.
Say, “Okay.” That’s it. You don’t need to add to it. Just respect it. If a follow-up question feels appropriate, ask yourself first what your goal is. Are you interested in what they need or want? Or are you operating from an agenda to get them to say “yes” to what you want?
Do not ask, “Are you sure?” This implies that you know better than they do. Trust them to speak for themselves. If they have said yes in the past, that was then; this is now. If they change their mind, that’s up to them. Depending on the situation, changing their mind might not work out for them, for example, if you were offering them a job promotion and had already given it to someone else. Or you may no longer want to go on a date with them if they said no the first time because it left you feeling rejected, so now the attraction is gone. Valid—but they still get to decide for themselves what they are and are not okay with.
I recently had a positive interaction with someone I needed to say “no” to. This person had asked me out on a couple of dates. It wasn’t going anywhere, and I wasn’t excited to see him.
I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
More so, I didn’t want to deal with the possible backlash.
In the past, telling a man, “I’m not interested,” has been risky business. The vibe in person on a particular date (with a different man) told me I couldn’t safely tell him I didn’t want to continue our date. So I waited till the night was over, texted my mom to call me while I walked to the car, then insisted that I had somewhere to be early in the morning, so he’d stop trying to grope me long enough for me to get into my car. Yes, I’ll text you when I get home, I told him.
As soon as I was home, I texted him, “Thank you for dinner. I’m not interested in a second date, though. Take care.”
Two seconds later: DING. “Fuck you! Lose my number, BITCH!”
Expecting something similar, I braced myself and sent this current gentleman the message, “I’m not interested in or attracted to you. I recognize that you may feel led on. I apologize for not saying this sooner. I enjoyed the positive attention. Take care.”
I was honest and direct…eventually. And while I did apologize, it wasn’t for saying no. It was for not saying it sooner.
“Thank you for telling me. That was efficient and clear.” His response was the best I could ask for.
You can’t control how the other person will respond if you choose to say no to them. That’s the bottom line. They are responsible for their own actions. But we are social creatures, and if saying “I have to do laundry” feels safer than “GTFO,” then go with that. Wash a shirt if it makes you feel better.
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Vital word, friend 💙 thank you for this. A great reminder that you’re allowed, in fact, SUPPOSED to be in the drivers seat of your own life.
Respectful responses to rejection shouldn’t feel radical but I think most women would agree with you and say they are. I’m sorry you’ve experienced such scary responses to ‘NO’ in the past. Imagine walking around with such a fragile ego?!